The #1 Killer of Professional D/s Dynamics
Over My years as a Dominatrix there has been a common factor in the dissolution of every D/s dynamic I've had with My regulars. My peers in the industry have expressed experiencing the same. This one thing alone has the ability to taint and destroy any relationship it touches. Entitlement. We're all familiar with entitlement, but a good deal of you on the submissive side haven't examined whether or not your behavior with your Domme is saturated with it. Because it can be hard to see your own actions from the outside, I'm going to give some examples and discuss what exactly entitlement does within the Dominatrix/client dynamic, why it comes up, and why it's so poisonous. As any relationship builds, the bond between parties grows. It's normal for this to happen in the professional relationship between a Dominatrix and Their client when sessions are held on a regular or frequent basis. These dynamics can be maintained successfully with professional boundaries in place for as long as the client allows it. What happens more frequently though, is that the client begins to expect more and more for less and less as time goes on because of the closeness between them and their Domme. From a client's perspective, this makes sense. You feel the intimacy and growth between the two of you, and it doesn't seem out of place to ask for more time, a bending of the rules, and other things you'd expect from a friend or someone you have an emotional connection with. It feels as if things have grown beyond the "just another client" phase. This is why it's so common- it's something that happens very easily when not kept in check. At this point, you may be wondering what's so bad about that, or why it would create problems for the Domme. As much as We love what We do, it's still a career. Everyone's dream is to get paid to do what they love, and many of Us are living that dream. When a client expects lower rates, extras, and special privileges because they feel they've surpassed client status, it disrespects Us and can put Us in a difficult place of choosing between supporting Ourselves or having that close connection with you. We shouldn't have to choose, and it's unfair to put any Domme in that position. Ultimately We will have to reiterate the professional nature of the relationship, which is bound to make you feel rejected if you've already put yourself out there in this way. I cherish My pets who see Me frequently, and I do give them special privileges sometimes- they typically get to know Me on a level that one-off clients don't ever see, can be used for personal service tasks if they are trustworthy enough, etc... but those are things to be freely given and determined appropriate by Me. The second a client expects those things due to the nature of our relationship or the length of time it's gone on, everything starts to feel tainted. When you don't feel appreciated, or you feel like someone is taking advantage of you, it can quickly suck the fun out of the dynamic. Creativity flourishes in a no-pressure environment, and Domination is an art. It's also a sexual art, and pressure does not mix well with sex. I'm certain that none of you want your Domme to feel like spending time with you is a chore, and We don't want to feel that way either. Here are some examples of ways entitlement often creeps into Domme/client interactions: -Expecting more and more communication between sessions -Asking for extra time but paying the bare minimum -Asking for or hinting at wanting a discount -Assuming you are grandfathered into an old rate without being told you are -Asking for personal information about your Domme -Expecting excessive amounts of emotional labor from your Domme without compensation -Never tipping your Domme (when combined with any of these other examples, tips are obviously never required) -Trying to spend time with Them outside sessions for free -Asking for or hinting at activities the Domme doesn't offer or that you aren't paying a high enough tribute for -Expecting your Domme to be available at the drop of a hat or to prioritize you over anything else -Expecting an eventual romantic relationship or 24/7 dynamic -Telling your Domme you love Them and expecting reciprocity/becoming distressed when They don't say it back If you want to make a long-term dynamic sustainable with your Domme, it's crucial that you show Them respect, generosity, and gratitude. Keep in mind the value of Their time, and act accordingly so you can continue to enjoy time with Them for years to come.