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  • Princess Poison

Empathy as a Dominatrix

Updated: Mar 28

Over the years I've heard this many times: "I have too much empathy to be a Domme- I can't imagine hurting someone!"


There's a misconception among BDSM-inexperienced people that you must be lacking in empathy to effectively dominate someone. I understand why people think this way- without an intimate understanding of BDSM, it appears as though Dommes just enjoy hurting people for the sake of it so it follows to imagine that They don't have empathy. In reality that couldn't be further from the truth. It takes a great deal of empathy to be a good Domme. In order to safely take a submissive to the depths they desire, We must understand what they are experiencing. Without the ability to intuit what the sub is feeling, a Domme would be dangerous. Many submissives love the fantasy of the cold, heartless Dominatrix beating them mercilessly but we need to acknowledge that as the fantasy it is. If it were the reality, the submissive would likely end up injured or harmed in some way (and this does happen with careless or heartless Dommes). Plenty of people do role play as that heartless Dominant, but empathy is crucial to making sure your limits are respected and things don't go too far. In My experience, the best Dommes are the ones with the *most* empathy. We care greatly about the well-being of Our playthings, and We use Our empathy to guide Us in pushing them as far as possible while keeping their physical and emotional safety in mind. We genuinely want to provide mutually enjoyable experiences and make them as amazing as possible. We understand that submissives and masochists take something overwhelmingly positive away from their time with Us, even if that time includes difficult tasks or suffering through pain. We understand the feeling of accomplishment and pride they can get from successfully making it through a challenging session. If you can't imagine being a Domme because of how much empathy you feel, you may actually just not have the Dominant streak required to effectively provide that experience for someone. I'm a sadist through and through, and My empathy is what provides the balance necessary to be great at what I do. I enjoy hurting people, but only when they have consented to it. When I encounter people experiencing true suffering that they did not ask for and do not want, I feel it in an entirely different way. Empathy is a gift, and one I use to My benefit as a Domme. It doesn't prevent Me from being able to Dominate because deep underneath the attitude and intensity on the surface, Domination is an act of intimacy NOT cruelty.



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