Consent in Sessions: Live out Your Fantasies by Communicating Clearly
A very good friend of Mine and an amazing Domme - ChurchMouth - said something to Me several years ago in regards to not just BDSM but life in general. It has stuck with Me ever since:
"You can't get what you want if you don't ask."
It seems so simple, but so often we hope that others will notice what we want or need and provide it without us having to do the work of communicating. Or we communicate indirectly or in an unclear manner and that's when misunderstandings occur. This happens often with BDSM.
Many of My clients live very vanilla lives outside of our time together, and don't have much experience actually communicating their kinky desires to another person. Others are brand new to the world of BDSM and shy about stating their preferences. This is completely understandable, but can lead to unfulfilled desires during our session.
It's important to remember that Dominatrixes have seen and done so many deliciously kinky things that We are not likely to be shocked by your desires- chances are We're comfortable with much more extreme things than whatever it is you're nervous about saying. Interested in pegging but terrified to actually ask for it? Too embarrassed? I've had My actual foot in someone's ass before. I am not here to judge your desires... the weirder the better, in fact.
If you don't directly communicate to Me what activities you are interested in, I'm not going to take the liberty of doing those things to you... because CONSENT is the keystone of BDSM, especially Professional Domination. It's crucial to Me that I do not cross any boundaries during our time together. So how can you easily make sure you get what you want? Fill out the Session Request Form *thoroughly.* I know it can seem daunting looking at such a long list of specific activities, but consent is at the core of why I use such a detailed form.
Let's say there's something you're interested in, but it's not listed on the form. Have you read the rest of My website? As long as I haven't expressed it as off-limits, you can politely and succinctly mention it in the notes at the end of the form. If this still makes you nervous, perhaps an example would help:
"I did not see ______ listed and was wondering if it was possible to include it in the session."
Another thing worth noting is that just listing something on the form as a possible interest doesn't mean you can't revoke consent for that activity at a later time. You can express to Me in our email exchange that it's something you are unsure about, or let Me know when you arrive that you are no longer interested in a certain activity. You can even use your safe word (agreed upon when you arrive for the session) in the middle of the session if you lose your nerve after we've started. Consent can be revoked at ANY time without consequences. I hope this helps My more timid clients understand why I have you put all your interests down in such a detailed format, and that it aids in everyone getting their desires fulfilled!