There's a pervasive idea in the professional domination industry that You aren't a real Domme if You offer erotic services. Both Dominatrixes and submissives alike buy into and spread this. As Dominatrixes We are expected to stay untouchable and unattainable, and any hint to the contrary stirs gossip and whispers of judgement. We are the most socially acceptable type of sex worker, as long as We follow that cardinal rule. The moment We admit to enjoying and welcoming a more overt erotic component to Our work, there is a shift in people's judgement of Us. The reality is that every Domme has Their Own boundaries when it comes to touch. Perhaps one Domme will allow a sub to touch Her leg or arm with permission while others have strict rules against all touch initiated by the submissive. We are people after all, and everyone has different levels of comfort. Some Dommes find smothering and strap-on too intimate or sexual and don't allow it, but typically We don't shame them. I won't say this is exclusive to the United States, but it's not as big of a concern in Europe. In Germany, BizarrLadies provide erotic services coupled with Domination and many label themselves as Dominatrixes as well. No one seems to be up in arms about it, so it makes sense to think that the puritanical nature of the USA is what leads to this friction in the industry here. I find it strange and sad that people who are sexually liberated enough to participate in BDSM would shame or judge anyone for their sexual activity. In My experience, people who have fought against societal norms to be their true selves are typically more likely to reject other norms when they realize they are based on close-minded nonsense. The real culprit here is whorephobia, which is a patriarchal concept. Women who enjoy sex are dirty and shameful, and triply so if they are receiving compensation for it. Men do not like when Women own their sexuality and use it for economic benefit. So why are a bunch of powerful Women perpetuating these ideas? I often see claims that Dommes who offer erotic services create "confusion" about what clients can expect in a session. I want to dissect that-
-This is the same line of thinking that causes slut shaming -One woman being willing to do a certain act doesn't make Her responsible for men expecting that from others
-Men are responsible for finding out the boundaries of the people they see and respecting those boundaries
-NO ONE ELSE IS TO BLAME FOR MEN PUSHING LIMITS BUT THE MEN WHO PUSH THEM
It is absolutely possible to be a skilled, powerful, kick-ass Dominatrix and also offer and enjoy erotic components in Your work. As Dommes We make our Own rules and We hold the power. There is clear power in denial, but there is also great power in controlling when a person is allowed to feel pleasure... or using someone for Our own pleasure. I live by My Own rules and I am a sexual creature. I enjoy erotically charged scenes in My personal BDSM relationships and see no reason why I shouldn't include them in My work *when I see fit.* I also don't think there's anything shameful or inherently powerless about being a whore.
For those who will miss out on seeing Me because they can't take a Domme seriously who offers Erotic experiences, I feel sad that you allow societal brainwashing and misogyny to control you. I can promise being controlled by Me is a much more enjoyable experience.
For the other Dommes who think what I do somehow delegitimizes My title of Dominatrix or My power- I urge you to take a deep look inward and question the basis for those thoughts. It certainly doesn't come from a place of female empowerment or feminism.